just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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