I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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