I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
my shit smells like andre
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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