Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
