In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
