sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
