did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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