I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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