video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
