she kept yelling 'call me bella'
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
