saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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