and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
