Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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