So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
