He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
