Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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