Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
