she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
My bed smells like the plague
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
