What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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