I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
