If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
