your parents love me but you hate me
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
