some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
