i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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