i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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