Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
