Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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