I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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