Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
