Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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