good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I touched a dick in church today
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
