If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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