Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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