He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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