Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
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