someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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