Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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