how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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