i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
