Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
