On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
as a side note pls kill me
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
