as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
