Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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