i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
smell my finger.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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