Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
What a dumb baby whore.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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