I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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