Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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