your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
i've created a new STD.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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