i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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