yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
